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Joke of the Day

"FACT: If you can trick a British person into saying ""fortnight"" they have to become your butler."

"*on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret"

"I think LGBT sounds too much like a sandwich."

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years time... Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"Two blondes are found frozen to death at a drive-in theater. They were watching ""Closed for the Winter."""

"What happens if you draw on the blackboard and the teacher told you not to? She draws a smack!"

"The KKK, Black Lives Matter And Westboro Baptist Church Throw Urine At Each Other Outside RNC. Reports are still unclear as to what pissed them all off."

"Why do writers hate the bible? It has terrible characters, Noah is the only one with an arc."

"My girlfriend caught me masturbating to porn on my phone... She looked at me seductively and asked if she could help. I said sure, could you hold my phone?"

"The happiest person I know is a lubricant salesperson... I guess you could say they don't have a lot of friction in their life."