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Joke of the Day

"The one redeeming thing about wearing a Women's Size 10 shoe is that everyone naturally assumes my dick is enormous."

"There's a new drink called the Sandy It's a watered down Manhattan."

"Jesus: He who is without sin may cast the first stone *guy with no legs throws rock* Jesus: Seriously? ""You said 'without shins,' right?"""

"Starting a conversation Do you know how heavy a polar bear is? Enough to break the ice. *winks*"

"Me: ""Hello? Yeah hi I'm calling about your commercial where the woman looks really happy cleaning the kitchen, what's her number?"""

"Heisenberg got pulled over by the cops for speeding Winding down his window, he was greeted by a shout of ""Do you know how fast you were going?!"" ""Not a clue, but I know *exactly* where I was."""

"Me:Siri, why don't I have any friends? Siri:*shows me my Google search history* M:Good call."

"I think ""So do you come here often?"" is a valid pick-up line. I don't want a girl who's drinking 7 martinis everyday."

"Emma Stone is my girlfriend. Nobody tell her, though. I want it to be a surprise."

"The Jonestown cult survivor was never any good at jokes. He always missed the punchline."