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Joke of the Day

"Sex on tv can't hurt unless you fall off."

"What did the Bra say to the Hat? You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift."

"When couples tell me they're taking their relationship to the next level, I just assume they're gonna start throwing cutlery at each other."

"Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None--He'll only promise ""change."""

"What is it called when a heavy gambler goes on vacation? Paradice..."

"After the man was named bishop by the church, what was his next move? Diagonal"

"There's no way witnessing the birth of your child is better than seeing your luggage come out first on the baggage carousel."

"Cop - Have you been drinking? Me - No, just taking my photo with R2D2 here. Cop - Sir that's a fire hydrant."

"I keep a knife in my Bible so if someone wants to kill me, I ask to read it & when I get to the 6th Commandment, I stab them in the face."

"29 months? Yeah, no, I meant how old is your kid in HOURS."