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Joke of the Day

"When I make math jokes, I try to appeal to the lowest common denominator... The problem is that with you lot I usually end up dividing by zero. /mathburn!"

"If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well."

"My girlfriend makes me want to be a better man ...so I can get a better girlfriend. -Comedian Anthony Jeselnik"

"I loaned a blind guy some money... It's ok though. He said he'd pay me back next time he saw me."

"What do a 275lb white lady and a 275lb cinder block have in common? A Mexican is going to lay them one day"

"I'd rather my kid bring home head lice than another goddamn fundraising form."

"Ever since I got married I have sex almost every day. I almost had sex on Monday. I almost had sex on Tuesday..."

"How to keep a reader in suspense? [removed]"

"Limericks eh ? There was this girl from Boston, Mass. She wade into the sea and wet her ankles, it doesn't rhyme now, but just wait until the tide comes in"

"The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing."