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Joke of the Day
"My first sexual experience occurred in the early 1800s when I was erotically swallowed by a whale."
Next Joke
"Developing an app that redirects you to twitter if you click on any other app on your phone cause obviously it was a mistake. You're welcome"
"""Man cave"" - Russian who has yet to get a full grip on our language, except mostly slang terms, describing the end of a couple's argument"
"I finally get why everyone on earth is so moody... This whole planet is bi-polar."
"Boy to Friend: I'm sorry I won't be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework."
"[leans over to kid watching Planet of the Apes in the theatre] Call them monkeys one more time & see what happens."
"If you accidentally drop a roll of toilet paper while sitting down, it will roll approximately 65 feet away from you. Science."
"You'll never believe how much this girl paid me to have sex with her...... One vagina."
"So important your wife knows you're petting the dog when she hears you say ""you're getting a little chunky"""
"This lady went to ISIS to convince her son who joined them to come back home She will beheading home soon"