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Joke of the Day

"The masseuse asked if I wanted her to finish me, I said yes & then she ripped my spine out & said ""Flawless Victory!"""

"What's wrong with a broken alphabetizer? It's out of order."

"I tossed a quarter at my girlfriend... ""Ouch, that hit me in the head!"" I look back and reply, ""good, maybe that'll knock some cents into you"" I'll see myself out."

"What's the difference between the cries of a grieving family and reggae music? I would feel awkward dancing to reggae music."

"My doctor said that high levels of hormones were causing me to prematurely ejaculate. On my way home I bought a gag for my wife."

"Why doesn't a scarecrow use TP because hay .. its in his jeans"

"unicorns are really just weaponized ponies."

"It's a good thing Gatorade was invented at the University of Florida and not Florida State University. Because then it would be Seminole fluid."

"You guys! I just realized I've been holding my moral compass upside down this whole time."

"Boxing is dead as... Mayweather's wife if she talks back again."