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Joke of the Day

"I found the rulebook for an old card game at my grandfather's house. ""Draw a card, if it's black, take a shot."" Oh wait, that's just the LAPD guidebook."

"My son was twice as hungry as me. So I only ate a one Na fish sandwich."

"How can there be self-help 'groups'?"

"How much coke did Charlie Sheen snort? Enough to kill two and a half men."

"A Mexican athlete finally got a medal at the Olympics. The police are still searching for him."

"Just took a short nap, although I wouldn't exactly call it a cat nap since I didn't lay on anyone's clothes or laptop like a total asshole."

"I told this girl I'd date the shit out of her But I guess she doesn't like coprophiles."

"My neighbors complain about me throwing my cigarette butts on the lawn but they'll be pumped when a cigarette tree sprouts in the spring"

"Looks like it's time to start pretending Andy Murray isn't Scottish again..."

"What do you call a Muslim Girl dating an Agnostic Guy? For safety purposes, I don't know if I should tell you her name.."