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Joke of the Day

"My 5-year-old niece's twist on an old pirate joke **Question:** Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet? **Answer:** Because his 'I' was all jacked up. *...she cracks me up*"

"Q: How can you get out of a locked room with a piano in it? A: Play the piano until you find the right key."

"I'm at my quickest when I try to follow someone out of the bathroom so I don't have to touch the handle."

"*full moon emerges from behimd clouds* nno--nonono it cant be...RUN. FAR AWAY FROM ME. NOW. IM A-- IM A-- *turns into bungalow* IM A WAREHOUSE"

"When I was in college, I went to a party at the math fraternity house. I left when I found out they didn't have any booze; they didn't want people to drink and derive."

"""My god,"" I whisper as the food arrives. ""Just as the prophecy foretold."""

"Why do women get yeast infections? So they can know how it feels to live with an irritating cunt!"

"Where do otters come from? Otter space. [credit goes to Anne Carson, or wherever she heard it]"

"A recent study shows that Twitter users don't give a fuck in excess of 30 times a day."

"Art is when u fart without F."