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Joke of the Day

"First off I want to commend you for taking part in credit counselling. Now, under assets you wrote ""like an onion"". Can you clarify?"

"If you were a dinosaur what would you be? Dead"

"I asked my wife, ""Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"" She said, ""Somewhere I have never been!"" I told her, ""How about the kitchen?"""

"My boss said when I'm at work, I should lay off the Doritos. I said ""you're the boss if you wanna fire Bob Dorito and his brother you do it"""

"If she's on top... You're fucking up."

"I fart like an Egyptian pharoah... We have a toot in common."

"Nothing is too good for my girlfriend on Valentines day... I tried to get her nothing, but she was too good for that."

"First day on the job as a drug dealer... Dealer: I don't have coke... is Pepsi okay? *gets stabbed*"

"How do you say goodbye to 230,000 Indonesians? A big wave."

"Writing my first book, I got stuck on the details... ...ended up haiku."