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Joke of the Day

"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween? I'll be Bach"

"Sales clerk: That handbag is very pleasing to the eye. Customer: Really? I don't like it. Giant Disembodied Eye: YOU REALLY SHOULD BUY IT"

"Why is everyone impatiently awaiting the new Zelda game? It's Hylian-ticipated"

"[office] DAVE: We're having a baby SUE: Congratulations! ME: [suspicious that Dave is a seahorse] Looking forward to the birth, Dave?"

"The difference between a rock band and a jazz group The rock band will play 3 chords in front of 1000 people. The jazz group will play 1000 chords in front of 3 people."

"Absence might make the heart grow fonder; but Absolut makes my clothes go yonder."

"When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion."

"That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number."

"[At auto store] Employee: How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires? ""Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."""

"The best thing about fucking 26 year olds is... there's 26 of them."