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Joke of the Day

"So I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV I then shouted, ""Hey that is mine!"" but I then realised that mine was at home polishing my shoes"

"Knock Knock. Christmas. Who's there? Oops, looks like Christmas came early this year."

"The ""smoking gun"" has a greater risk of dying early than guns that don't smoke."

"You're 15 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 2 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt."

"What do we call a wireless mouse? Hamster. Source: **Dad**"

"gettin prety good at makin baloon animals, so far i can make: - a snake - worm - eel - dog, hot - 2 snakes"

"How can you tell if you're being persecuted by agnostics? You come home to find a question mark burned into your lawn."

"Frozen... Text Message from Wife: Windows frozen. Won't Open. Husband: Pour lukewarm water on window. Tap gently with hammer to free windows. Wife: Computer really messed up now. Nothing works."

"""Genetically modified food is very much safe for human consumption"" the tomato on my plate reassuringly explained to me."

"Why do milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow has the udder"