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Joke of the Day

"My friend David had his id stolen. I just call him Dav."

"Can someone explain to me why I agreed to go camping this weekend? I'm pretty sure tents don't have wifi and I will most likely die."

"I don't think gymnasts know how clearly we can see their genitals"

"What did the buffalo say to his boy before leaving for work? Bye, son."

"A woman on the subway this morning said ""did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?"" So really, we deserve this."

"What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"The human body is 70 percent water?? *looks at a glass of water* damn girl"

"Went on blind date, woke up in bathtub with kidney gone. 6 out of 10, would date again."

"[me giving tour of city landmarks] and on your left you'll see a corgi in a bandanahe's not part of the tour but let's go get a closer look"

"Raj Koothrappali met Justin Bieber... Unfortunately he couldn't speak with him"