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Joke of the Day
"My gf could be a an NFL running back she will *not* go down."
Next Joke
"How do you tell if a woman is a feminist? She'll tell you within five minutes."
"What did the American Army General say after the first opposing casualty in the Mexican-American War? Juan down, a million more to go."
"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it into the microwave until its Bill Withers."
"Victoria's Secret recently invented a bra that contains Bluetooth speakers ... ... because so many women had complained that men stare at their breasts instead of listening to them."
"if you hold an empty gatorade bottle up to your ear you can hear the sports"
"If we have an Idaho, why don't we have an Idapimp? Rimshot.mp3"
"Me: I got my YOLO tattoo covered up GF: Good. I told you it was just a stupid fad Me: I know GF: What'd you get? Me: *reveals Minion tattoo*"
"[lights 2016 calendar on fire] There. Now you can't hurt anyone any longer. [wind blows calendar onto my coat; I'm engulfed in flames]"
"How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children? Backwards."