174021

Joke of the Day

"Someone just used my driveway to turn around and now I'm standing outside with two open beers and *lonely face*"

"There is only one sport in which I can get a high score. It's golf."

"99 bugs in my code, 99 bugs in my code... Take one down, fix em' around, 404 bugs in my code."

"Meeting your ex IRL is like staring into a black hole There should be something there, but there isn't. And it sucks."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? An obscure number you've probably never heard of......"

"Neat how we spend so much time and money on the war against pot but there are people driving around with eyelashes and antlers on their cars"

"Fellas, If her pelvis doesn't touch yours when you embrace, she doesn't find you attractive."

"I wonder if my son's packed lunch tastes like the flavorless chore that it is."

"""Hey, boo"" - a casual ghost"

"My boss told me she would screw me if I worked all the free overtime I possibly could."