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Joke of the Day

"On my deathbed, I hope to be surrounded by family and friends while I take a few last second glances at Twitter on my iPhone."

"Gold walks into a bar... So gold walks into a bar and than the bartender says AU get out! I show myself out..."

"Guarantees in life 1. Death 2. A waitress will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill"

"Why do black guys always have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream."

"If a threesome is with 3 people... If a threesome is with 3 people and a foursome is with 4 people I can see why they call you handsome."

"Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain? I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind."

"What did the baker say when he saw the beautiful woman? ""I think I'm in loaf."" Ba dum, tss."

"We built this city on rock n roll, bits of hair, couple of pieces of carpet we found. It's a horrible place to live honestly."

"What did the frustrated cannibal say? Nothing he just threw up his hands."

"My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later. ""This parrot hasn't spoke a single word."" She complained. ""I haven't had a fucking chance to!"" Replied the parrot."