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Joke of the Day

"I'm 89% certain I'm technically still dating at least 3 women from the late 90's early 2000's cause I left for beer and never came back"

"Why is santa always so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live"

"The way I dealt with that unexpected cobweb to the face tells me I probably wouldn't have been much use in Vietnam."

"What is ""attempted theft"" exactly? I mean it's not like you see school librarians seeing a student use Wikipedia on one of the computers and puts them in detention for ""attempted plagiarism"""

"How do Australians find sheep in the long grass? Irresistible..."

"I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience"

"What song do they play at a Jehovah's witness funeral? Knock, knock, knockin on Heavens door"

"I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me... He asked me which companies and I told him, ""The gas, electric, and cable ones"""

"Unrestrained children in the back seat can cause accidents. Unrestrained accidents in the back seat can cause children."

"When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry."