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Joke of the Day

"Apparently the safe word has changed to... NOT THERE IDIOT!!! Followed by a swift elbow to the eye...."

"1. Change last name to Crunch. 2. Join the military. 3. Work my way up to Captain. 4. Become Captain Crunch. 5. WIN LIFE"

"Two condoms walk into a gay bar.. One turns to the other and says; ""Let's get shitfaced!"""

"Jokes are like frogs... they die when you dissect them"

"So I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar... and accidentally wrote a One Direction song."

"An Asian goes to the optometrist... The optometrist says, after a moment or two: ""I see what the problem is...you have a cataract."" The Asian immediately replies: ""no no, it's a Rincon Continental."""

"Lazy rule #35: If you spill some water, it will eventually dry."

"""Wanna come to a party?"" ""Sure. I'd love to spend two whole hours standing around while people recommend TV shows to me I'll never watch."""

"My friend drove into a tree earlier... I wonder if he's oaky"

"If a mugger ever asks me to draw an uppercase cursive Q or he'll shoot, tell my family I died a hero... #hero #cootertales"