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Joke of the Day

"Apparently the safe word has changed to... NOT THERE IDIOT!!! Followed by a swift elbow to the eye...."

"Calculus derives me crazy!!"

"If I don't charge my iPad at the beginning of the week I spend the whole time just trying to catch up to 100%."

"Is molestation rape foreplay? Is it rude to molest someone and then not rape them? Woman: I didn't let him rape me because he did not molest me first. I'm not that type of girl."

"The reality is that if you have a job that requires a name tag, I'll never give a fuck what your name is."

"The Government"

"My husband is half Mexican half Polish. Last week he stole his own hubcaps."

"I was going to make a joke about thailand... But Phuket."

"I wish people would move over a bit in their selfies. We're redecorating a bathroom and looking for ideas."

"You always have to be extra careful when driving through a predominantly black neighborhood at night. Because black people are super hard to see in the dark."