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Joke of the Day

"my wife made me a birthday cake She complained it didn't look anything like Nigella's at all. I told her that's OK, since she doesn't look anything like Nigella either."

"These dishwashers are getting too expensive my new one even demands a diamond ring"

"Toddlers are the only life form that can exist entirely on their own snot, one goldfish cracker, and half a chicken nugget a day."

"My Dad wrote an ok joke Dad: You know Trump just wants to be a penis potato. Me: ...What? Dad: He wants to be a Dick-tator"

"A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead"

"How do you find will smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints"

"My wife was almost killed by a clock today, it fell onto the chair just as she stood up. Damn clock was always too slow."

"Why did the student act crazy each time he worked on math homework? He was on crystal math."

"Peter Jackson just found a postcard JRR Tolkien wrote his nephew in 1938. He's turning it into 22 nine-hour films."

"Eomer gets off of his horse and says, ""What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?"" A nearby horseman answers, ""Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"""