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Joke of the Day

"Record breaking, visionary director Steven Spielberg: 'Wanna play a dull, killed off screen character?' Samuel L Jackson: 'Sure'"

"Why does Japan have a high life expectancy? It is full of anti - occidents"

"Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team."

"I've decided to get rid of my vacuum cleaner... ...because it's as old and overused as this joke."

"My twin brother is a retarded thief. He stole my chromosome."

"My Cocaine Is So White Police Let It Go With A Warning"

"I've become such a positive person recently, that I only wash my hair with Pantene Pro V bonafidepoo and proditioner."

"A cobbler was once elected the mayor of a small town. People thought he was a real shoe-in."

"What do you call an international criminal waffle that you dropped at the beach? Carmen Sandy Eggo"

"11:30 - Sit on toilet, open Twitter. 11:54 - Try to stand, fall to floor with numb legs. 11:55 - Get comfortable on floor, open Twitter."