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Joke of the Day

"Hi, childless people. I just meticulously peeled the skin off a pickle. Cuz the pickle was ""bumpy."" Enjoy your day. Not de-bumping pickles."

"The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part."

"What do you call a Mexican woman with a large labia minora? Cunstwaylow"

"Did you hear about the old chameleon that couldn't change color? He had *a reptile dysfunction*."

"How do you ruin a joke? By explaining it. Because you know, jokes are supposed to be understood implicitly, without you having to say the reason behind why the punchline is funny."

"A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wrapped wrapped in cellophane.... The psychiatrist says ""well, I can clearly see your nuts"""

"Why did Mickey leave Minnie? Because she was fucking goofy."

"If I wanted to drive my wife insane, I'd secretly raise a colony of bees & place one new bee inside of her car each morning for ten years."

"I'm tired of the bad jokes, dad. Doubt you can hear me anyway. I'm pullin' the plug. ""...hi pullin' the plug, I'm da-"" *pulls the plug*"

"Alien vs Predator upheld by Supreme Court. ""this movie rules"" said Justice Scalia writing for the court."