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Joke of the Day

"So an elephant and a naked man are talking, you know how that goes... and the elephant says to the naked man. ""Its cute but can you really breathe through it?"""

"How to open new toy: 1. Cut tape with machete. 2. Take shot. 3. Undo 23,518 twist ties. 4. Take 3 shots. 5. Watch child play with box."

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'."

"Why do many people call my penis the 'Big Mac'? Because it doesn't look as good or as big as it did in the adverts. :("

"Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor"

"I can hear my girlfriend in the other room cleaning up my cat's pee. As soon as I think she's done, I'm going to yell out ""I'll do it babe!"""

"How do you know a black man has been on your computer. It's not there."

"I've perfected an AI as a substitute to a girlfriend. Every time I try to turn it on I get the silent treatment and there are no output to tell me what's wrong."

"Hey rappers on twitter, saying ""LOL"" in every tweet is about as gangster as two dolphins sitting on a rainbow tongue kissing"

"I had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how I feel... I've had to tell her over and over that it's not that bad, and that I don't notice much of a vas deferens."