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Joke of the Day
"What did the left tower say to the right tower? I gotta catch a plane"
Next Joke
"What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full. Credit afroman for this one"
"[on quiz show] ""and if you won some money today keith, what would you do with it?"" *leans way too close into the microphone* spend it alex"
"How do lesbians celebrate special occasions? They eat out."
"This third bottle of wine has turned everything into a microphone."
"I wish dreams were like Chatroulette and you could just click ""Next"" when you see a guy in a Mickey Mouse costume jerking off."
"Some people say it's not what you know, but who you know... I say it's not who you know, but whom you know."
"I'm going back to work tomorrow after the holiday break, which means playing that annual game: What food is rotting in the office kitchen?"
"Nice try, horror movies, but the scariest thing I've ever seen is still a 4-year-old holding a sharpie without the cap."
"Bartender: What will you have? Me: Whiskey BT: Straight? Me: Except for that one time in college. BT: Me: BT: Me: How 'bout them Red Sox?"