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Joke of the Day

"So french me was speaking in english with one of my friends, when suddenly he starts making fun of my accent.... I told him it was the only car i could afford!"

"What's worse than ants in your pants? ...uncles"

"Why did the chicken cross the beach? To get to the other tide"

"I hope the zombies start with people that talk to me when I'm obviously counting."

"*Friend is sinking in quicksand* Get help before I drown! *I start to run, stop, jog back to friend* Technically you're not drow- NATE!"

"Why was a physicist unable to do the double slit experiment? His wife didn't want a threesome."

"A baby came out of my stomach and I was all ""weird, I don't remember eating that..."""

"Last night my wife said that our bed had seen better days. She's right. When she stopped at her mum's last week, I had a threesome in it on Monday and Tuesday."

"Isn't it annoying when you're having dinner with your in-laws and they don't exist because no one loves you enough to marry you?"

"Favourite one-liner? ""stationary shop moves"" - Jimmy Carr **Another favourite -** ""I keep my porno tapes in my sock drawer, it's all you need in one place"" - Jason Manford"