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Joke of the Day

"I Don't Nap Because I Have Tentonitish I fall asleep around 2 and don't wake up till ten tonightish"

"What's the difference between a smoker and a crossfitter? Most smokers know and acknowledge the fact that they're slowly killing themsleves."

"What do you call a belt made of paper? A waist of paper. *knee slap*"

"Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny, I just release about 25% of her from the air valve."

"Going to the bathroom isn't the problem It's the shit that I have to deal with every day."

"[impatiently yells] ""What do I have to do to get a margarita around here??"" And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen."

"Every restroom says gentleman on it...since I'm a degenerate asshole I've been pissing in the trash cans outsidee them."

"A man gets pulled over by a female cop. He asks ""what seems to be the problem, officer?"", and the cop responds, ""oh, nothing."" EDIT: Weee, this is my first time on the front page."

"My wife always takes up two parking spaces. She ought to go on a diet."

"what if grass screamed when you walked on it"