171334

Joke of the Day

"Strippers won't tell you their real names for privacy, But they'll show you their buttholes for $5"

"You're a dog person? *Throws a stick* Well? Aren't you going to run after it or are you cool with being a normal human that's also a liar?"

"I tailgated a cop who pulled out of the doughnut shop so he'd know what it feels like when he follows me from the bars."

"What do you call an airplane that flies backwards? a receeding airline.... bada boom! The little bros joke book is pure gold haha"

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the floor Matt"

"I'm still disappointed that The Phantom Menace was never nominated for an Academy Award... ...for Best Animated Film."

"Pneumonia was found dead In other news, pneumonia was found dead with 2 bullets in the back of his head, the police are ruling it a suicide."

"Top 3 questions asked by my parents: 3) How's the business? 2) Do you have a girlfriend? 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator?"

"Gaining Weight? ...It's a piece of cake!"

"I went for a long walk yesterday and my pants are still tight today. This is not how exercise is supposed to work."