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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the floor Matt"

"How does a lawyer sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Credit: Nicholas Sparks from his book 'See Me' which I am reading now."

"How did Canada get its name? They had a bag of letters, and one person announced as he picked each letter out "" 'C', eh, 'N', eh, 'D', eh""."

"Why did the condom fly across the room? Because it was pissed off. (Also sorry)"

"Two lawyers are in a bar, and see a hot blonde sitting alone One of the lawyers looks at her and says ""Boy, I'd love to fuck her."" The second lawyer looked over and responded, ""out of what?"""

"I just received a discount offer for a brand new guitar... ... no strings attached!"

"Do Rabbis get paid for performing circumcisions? Nope, they just keep the tips."

"Drake jokes I'll start: Drake the type of dude to stare at the biggest dude in jail directly in the eyes then SLAM the soap on the bathroom floor."

"A man visits a prostitute The man says, ""I want to have sex with you for $200, but then I also want to hit you"" The prostitute asks, ""For how long?"" The man replies, ""Until I have my money back!"""

"How many hippies does it take to change a light bulb? Hippies can't change anything. And they smell bad."