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Joke of the Day

"Do you know what the Steve Harvey autobiography is called? Neither does his publisher. He gave it a title, but then took it back."

"Why are Catholics the worst drivers? They always pull out at the last second (usually to avoid a child)."

"I've been wearing the same clothes for almost 7 years now because a girl wrote ""never change"" in my middle school year book."

"I'm so out of it I just asked my dog to hand me something. To be fair, he gave me the same blank stare my kids would have."

"Why do Ethiopian women give the best blowjobs? You know they'll swallow"

"Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed? Cause the building collapsed, duh."

"Almost touched an old person tonight. Luckily I jerked my arm away before they could drain me of my youth and vigor."

"Pour motor oil over a stack of CDs. Ta-da! Robot pancakes."

"Why didn't Hitler talk to Jews? He had Auschwitzim"

"Removing access to contraceptives in order to discourage premarital sex is like removing seat belts to encourage safer driving habits."