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Joke of the Day

"Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long? I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier."

"How many frat guys does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and three to make a t-shirt about it."

"TIFU by accidentally giving my vegetarian girlfriend my Italian Sandwich from quizno's instead of her Veggie Delight Sandwich. Oops wrong sub."

"What is it called when Batman skips church? Christian Bale!"

"Some of my Satan worshiping friends invited me to an open discussion on Satanism... I'm not a Satanist myself, but I do like to play Devil's advocate...it was very confusing."

"Why doesn't the weatherman just say cloudy with a 90% chance of bullshit? Because that's pretty much what the forecast has been lately."

"we should be using all the time technology frees up to expand language, not shorten it. instead of 'prolly' try 'probababably.'"

"Guy: Wanna go out? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: It's just like soccer, just because theres a goalie doesnt mean you cant score."

"Talking on your cell during church isn't good, but if you use blue tooth hands free they just think you've got the spirit."

"I've got my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting tomorrow."