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Joke of the Day

"[PetSmart] *approaches checkout with bird seed* ""that all for you today?"" Yes. How long does it usually take? ""For what?"" For them to grow"

"Why is Ironman a superhero? and Ironwoman a command?"

"Did you hear about the man who hid in the refrigerator? He thought he would be cool."

"MOM: putting him in sports was a bad idea DAD: yup ME (in right field wearing my cup on my face): hey coach look at me I'm Bane lol"

"I threw a recyclable item in the trash in case any ladies were looking for a ""badboy"" type."

"If you don't drink, smoke or do drugs you may live long enough to be a real burden to loved ones. Please pass the wine."

"So a Priest says to a Rabbi.... ""Hey, we should go fuck those kids..."" and the Rabbi says: ""Outta what?"""

"Two muffins are in a oven... the first muffin says, ""damn it's hot in here."", the second one says, ""holy crap a talking muffin!"""

"An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over. Yep, she needs a walker"

"What if a side effect to laxatives was death? That'd be a shitty way to die."