170473

Joke of the Day

"*jumps into volcano as sacrifice* *volcano spits me back out*"

"Selling an improved autocorrect? Shut up and take my monkey."

"It was a rude awakening when I woke up and realized all my favorite porn stars were at least 4 years younger than me. Turning 16 sucked. =/"

"*calls restaurant* Me: Hi is your place a kid friendly restaurant? Host: Of course it is sir *hangs up*"

"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"My neighbor's 13-month old only has four teeth. She's way too young to being doing that much meth."

"Why does the left foot get all the blame if you're a poor dancer? ""Oh, you have two left feet. Hur hur hur"" I guess it is #rightprivilege"

"""This sausage is the best!"" She said ""No,"" replied the German, ""it is the wurst!"""

"When the police asked Bernie if he profited from stealing millions of dollars from his former clients he replied, ""What do you think i'm Madoff?"""

"If Clinton is elected president... It will be the first time two presidents slept with each other..."