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Joke of the Day
"The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff"
Next Joke
"Stranger:So,you're a parent? Me: Yes,proud dad of a 5yo w/ special needs S:cool, I'm sort of a parent too, 2 dogs and a cat Me:.... Nope"
"[on a date with a teacher] Me: your eyes are beautiful Her: yours too Me:*leans in, whispers* can i kiss you Her: i don't know CAN YOU"
"MC stands for both Medical Certificate and Mic Controller and they both give you License to Ill"
"What is a nurse in the maternity ward's favorite kind of food? Delivery."
"Five out of six people agree Russian roulette is completely safe."
"People always ask why I only date black girls It's because I don't like meeting the father"
"Nickelback's career is dead... They are more washed up than a Syrian toddler."
"At my age, a ""stiffy"" is just my back when I try to crawl out of bed in the morning."
"Mr & Mrs Smith is my favorite movie about how trying to kill your spouse & demolishing your house can bring the magic back to your marriage"