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Joke of the Day

"If you feel like your parents didn't hug you enough as a child then it's probably because they didn't really want you. Good talk."

"How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It's a hardware problem."

"Do you sell bloodpants? ""Nope"" Shitpants? ""Nope"" Droolpants? ""Nope"" Sweatpants? ""Right this way..."""

"I was tasked with ordering coffee supplies for the office... I sent an email to all the staff asking if they wanted flavored creamers or regular creamers. Their answers were half-and-half."

"I hear my ex is now into cross dressing & looking for same. At least that's what the Craigslist ad I just posted on his behalf says."

"What's the first thing the pope did after resigning? Asked Jerry Sandusky for his lil black book."

"Why did the Canadian DJ turn down the gig at the local Y? Because why emcee, eh?"

"I remember when yoga was called Twister."

"Men, if you're wondering what it's like to be a woman, just imagine a world where making sense is optional. Also, boobs whenever you want."

"What's Mario's favorite fruit? Peach."