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Joke of the Day

"Zen master: Do you possess the Buddha nature? Me: Well, I've spent 49 days under a tree. But that was just laziness."

"""Excuse me, do you validate parking?"" I sure do, champ. *kisses your forehead* Your parking is second to none."

"Why does Trump wear a hairpiece? Because he thought the kids on the roller coaster were making fun of him when they shouted ""Donald, duck!"" Yep."

"Why did the Mexican food go to counseling? It wanted to taco bout his feelings"

"The Mancave is where I change into my Manman costume."

"The internet is the devil sitting on the right shoulder of a man who suffers from insomnia, whispering in his ear ""you will never sleep""."

"I accidentally started this account when I was looking for a banana bread recipe and things have gone horribly wrong."

"Where does Donald Trump store his books? The fireplace."

"Catholic church must be serious. Everything with Mass has gravity, after all."

"[describing criminal to sketch artist] His breath smelled like rotten eggs & bad cheese so draw a lot of those smelly lines by his mouth"