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Joke of the Day

"My Mexican teacher asked for a 2 page essay, he wasn't happy when I brought him Juan. Thought this up in the car and thought the nice people of the Internet would want to know :)"

"Mechanic: the front shocks are shot. Did you hit a pothole? Me: yes but I winced, patted the dash & said I was sorry so it can't be that."

"I have a love/hate relationship with going to extremes."

"Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you."

"the girls who tweet their horoscopes every day are the same girls who get drunk and then cry at parties."

"I once dated this German golfer chick. She was a pretty cool girl but she wouldn't ever do anal. She lovingly referred to her butthole as her back nein."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentickles"

"I told my friend with mesothelioma to get well soon. He told me he was trying asbestos he could."

"What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro? zika blyat"

"Why don't Amish people water ski? Because their horses would drown."