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Joke of the Day

"February 29th is just like a dead beat dad. It only shows up every four years."

"Knock, knock. Who's there? Madame. Madame who? My damn foot's stuck in door! Open up!"

"Why won't Monica Lewinsky be voting for Hillary? Because the last Clinton presidency left a very bad taste in her mouth."

"Why did the Hispanic become a mathematician? It takes Juan to know one."

"Wanna impress me iTunes? Let me download a motherfucking pizza."

"Have you seen the movie - Constipated? No? Why? Cause it hasn't come out yet!"

"The first thing I'm going to do when I'm rich is buy an airline flight for everyone who works at the DMV and then delay the flight forever."

"How many Nice Guys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just complement the bulb and get pissed that it won't screw"

"If you are cornered by raccoons in the wild then place your thumb and index finger tips together- make a bandit mask. They will accept you."

"If I won Super Bowl tickets for me and 10 friends I'd have to sell at least 7 on ebay."