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Joke of the Day

"February 29th is just like a dead beat dad. It only shows up every four years."

"When is a door not a door When it's ajar"

"Women are like cars. We want the ones that look AND work the best, but none of us have the money."

"I fucked up making my coffee today \#nofilter"

"Her:""my blinkers don't work I think I'm out of blinker fluid"" Me:""your car doesn't have blinker fluid."" Her:""I JUST SAID THAT PAY ATTENTION"""

"What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables? Lettuce pray."

"Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.? His vision was based on movements."

"I went for sushi with Luke Skywalker and he was struggling with chopsticks... ""Use the fork, Luke!"" I said."

"I have a serious self-loathing problem! Trust me to say that..."

"My own ass has been talking shit... but it's just a bunch of hot air."