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Joke of the Day

"I lost my first cage fight last night .. not all dogs want cuddles."

"pet owner's tip: glue the very tip of your cat's tail to the center of their back to make a convenient cat-carrying handle."

"I just raped my hi hat White tssst scum"

"I was telling my therapist I keep dreaming that I'm in a helicopter crash He said I've got black hawk down syndrome"

"I received a text message from an unknown number ""I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I met someone else. Please don't call me anymore!"" ... Even other people's girlfriends are dumping me now"

"If she's not ruining your life.....She's just not that into you."

"Finally got the ""Josh Duggar is good"" neck tattoo I've wanted for years, now let me just read today's news as I take a large sip of water..."

"I need a punctuation mark that is halfway between a period and an exclamation point so I can answer texts without sounding bored or insane."

"Overheard: ""Hey, I think that weirdo is listening to our conversation."""

"If heaven is real the only question i have for god is how many times was my chinese food a cat"