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Joke of the Day

"Me: Shut the door, I need privacy 4y/o: But we're family! Me: Families don't watch each other go poop 4:You watch me poop! Me:...take a seat"

"[labels account ""18+""] [tweets exclusively about voting & buying cigarettes legally]"

"I really try not to make fun of fat people... They have enough on their plate"

"This joke is like a never ending stairway. This joke is like a never ending stairway, it leads up to nothing"

"My internet bride got delivered today, she's the WiFi always dreamed of."

"My skis are like my parents They're drifting apart"

"Why did they call it cuppa soup because ebola soup wasn't very appealing"

"Have you ever ordered a honeymoon salad? Lettuce Alone."

"Pick Up Chinese Girl I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629"

"In movies when people go underwater, I like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo."