168033

Joke of the Day

"You threw. Our tea. In the harbour. And then you changed the spelling of harbour. We do not. Forget."

"[5 year old tugs on pant leg] Daddy if time stops at the speed of light then photons aren't actually moving, so is everything we see a lie?"

"I used to think it was cool to be into guys 10+ years my senior but turns out all they want to do is talk about tv shows I never watched"

"I woke this morning to find Mr.Mittens on the bed staring at me with a look that said 'You're a mouth breather, and I'll never respect you'"

"My burrito brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, ""Careful, everything is falling out from the other side."""

"What's it called when you poke a Scantron to make it laugh? A test tickle."

"what do bieber and grumpy cat have in common? What do bieber and grumpy cat have in common? They are both pussies who were discovered on the internet."

"Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious."

"What do you call 7 white guys sitting on a bench? The nba"

"What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime? Small medium at large."