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Joke of the Day

"I finally decided on my Halloween costume. I'm going to go as a French pancake chef; that'll really give people the crepes."

"What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet? Egyptian dummies."

"Ask me if you can join the pee club... Do it!"

"How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they'll just arrest the light for being broke and beat the room for being black."

"Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those fuckers live forever."

"By tomorrow, no one will remember what happened in trees today"

"My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can't help but believe my days around here are numbered..."

"A blonde said to her friend while driving ""I got a compliment on my driving today,"" said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said ""parking fine""."

"I stepped on a grape once. It didn't scream, but it did let out a little whine."

"A woman grows a plant in a blossoming business as a CEO."