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Joke of the Day

"A blonde said to her friend while driving ""I got a compliment on my driving today,"" said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said ""parking fine""."

Next Joke
 
"I plan to watch some movie with girlfriend this evening. Can somebody recommend a girlfriend?"
"What did I do before Twitter? Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY?!?!"
"Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know life is really, really tough for the visually impaired. :("
"Sing me a song you're the piano man / clean out my pool you're the gardener /now light up my room you're a ceiling fan"
"How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan? Take away their tiny brooms!"
"""what if today's the day you learn about tacos and ostriches? You don't want to miss that, do you?"" - me manipulating my kid to school."
"What is the difference between being hungry and horny? What she means by ""eating out."""
"It's all fun and games until your iPhone is at 10% power."
"I'm gonna covet you. I am gonna covet you so hard. I am gonna covet the holy living shit outta you. C'mere."