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Joke of the Day

"[Date] Her: *giggles* whoops you got a hair right there Me (nervous she's trying to clone me): give it back"

"""Do you come here often"", she asked... ""No, usually in my belly button"", I replied."

"Everyone knows that lighting our farts is great, but when are we gonna be able to vape our farts?"

"What kind of bears don't have teeth? Gummi bears. ;)"

"""Now, tell me I'm pretty"" -me as a hypnotist"

"The kids of today have no respect. They're rude, lazy and swear to make themselves look big and coolnnNothing at all like us..."

"In Soviet Russia... Light turns you on..."

"""A father says to his son,"" ""It's going to be tough in this recession."" The son says ""Tell me something I don't know."" The father says ""Your mum's ass can take my whole fist."""

"If you're bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored"

"I call bullshit on red wine reducing fat. If there was any truth to that, I'd resemble a crack addict."