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Joke of the Day

"I sell balloons for $1 each, or if you want them blown up it's $1.20. I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation."

"Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is."

"Two fathers and two sons went duck hunting. Each shot a duck but they shot only three ducks in all. How come? The hunters were a man his son and his grandson."

"Age is just a number. (That roughly indicates how close you are to menopausing/getting super ugly/dying)"

"Porn If you can't join em,.beat it."

"I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that shit."

"My grandma was recently beaten to death.. She came in just after my granddad"

"The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I'd pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, ""Keep the change you filthy animal."""

"Wife asked if I was going to take out the trash. Told her I didn't know her sister needed a ride home. I'm bleeding. Call 911"

"Why is a foreign exchange student like a gynecologist? Because they both study abroad!"