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Joke of the Day

"I just spent $100 at Whole Foods. This better be a damn good bag of Almonds."

"Want to hear a Cosby joke? Wait ... I told it wrong. I wasn't supposed to ask for consent."

"I have sixth sense, I see stupid people."

"Have you ever seen Puns: The Musical? If not, you really should. It's a great play on words."

"You say potato and I say... Who are you and why are you saying potato to me?"

"When I was 15 my dad bought me my first pack of condoms When they expired 5 years later he bought me my second."

"What do you call a American football team full of retards? Special teams"

"For Halloween I'm giving out razor blades with candy in them. These kids'll be shaving away and then BAM - nougat everywhere."

"Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school? Sources say that the teachers were alarmed."

"[NSFW] What's the difference between an 18yo and a washing machine? You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you round for two weeks telling you it loves you"