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Joke of the Day

"Why can't pirates recite the alphabet? They keep getting lost at sea."

"The teacher asked... - ""Why did you bring your cat today Jimmy?"" - He replied, crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school!'"""

"Trump and Pence are so homophobic ... ... they couldn't get a mandate. HAHAHA! A lot of people are going to die in the next 4 years."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ankansas ! Ankansas who ? Ankansas though any piece of wood !"

"My girl broke up with me, thinks I am childish. So, I calmed down. Took a deep breath. Went to her house. Rang the doorbell and ran away..HA!"

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb has to do the changing."

"Did you hear about the movie ""Constipated"" ??? I heard it hasn't come out yet"

"A good lawyer, Santa Claus, and an honest politician enter an elevator. They see a five dollar bill on the ground. Who picks it up? Santa. The other two don't exist."

"[my cell phone rings] ME (a person who pays a monthly fee to allow this): Ugh why is this happening"

"Are you cold? Come sit in the corner, it's 90 degrees."