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Joke of the Day

"You said it was a great horse and it is. It took twenty other horses to beat him!"

"I invented a realistic sex simulator. It doesn't work on me because realistically nobody wants to have sex with me."

"My Wife told me to treat her like a princess So I put her in the back of my car and crashed it into a tunnel"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's an obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"What do you call a bird born in the 90s? A millennial falcon."

"Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job."

"Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine? It was soda pressing."

"I wish I could just ""like"" a text message so I don't have to respond."

"I get so pissed off when the 'Dawson's Creek' theme song doesn't suddenly play in the background while I'm having a magical moment."

"I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together."