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Joke of the Day

"[first day as a soldier] Army guy: we deploy at 04:00hrs Me: where we going? Army guy: to war, soldier Me [setting alarm for 10am]: enjoy"

"Countless marriages could be saved by requiring urinals in private residences."

"Why did the power go out when Optimus Prime got his first blow job? Someone blew a transformer."

"You should really take it easy on pedophiles... they have a hard enough time fitting in."

"Just got confessed to today... Congratulation Just!"

"What kind of fish does Google have in their lobby? [betta]s"

"Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!"

"Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field."

"*feminist at thanksgiving dinner* ""dad will u use your white privilege to pass the salt"""

"So Nicole Scherzinger has went from Lewis Hamilton to Ed Sheeran... Well, you know what they say... Orange is the new black."