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Joke of the Day

"I got my first real 6-string Bought it at the 5 & dime Played it til my fingers bled Mom sued the guitar manufacturer & settled out of court"

"Friend: I love FB but it's gettin a lil boring. Me: Well that's cause all the cool peeps are on Twi- ..uh are all dead. Yeah they all died."

"I went outside for a minute and a bug touched me, so it looks like I'm back inside forever now."

"Why do some places have keys for the restroom? They're afraid somebody might steal their shit."

"Donald Trump is like a marshmallow... He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat."

"I like my women like I like my wemoweh a wemoweh a wemoweh a wemoweh IN THE JUNGLE THE MIGHTY JUNGLE THE LION SLEEPS TONIIIIIIIIGHT"

"Turned off autocorrect and I've never been happyer."

"You can't spell success without succ... But you'd probably get neither to be honest"

"JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods* ME: thats correct ur honor"

"Damn girl, are you the brownie I just dropped on the floor? because you're hairy but I still wanna eat you"