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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my wemoweh a wemoweh a wemoweh a wemoweh IN THE JUNGLE THE MIGHTY JUNGLE THE LION SLEEPS TONIIIIIIIIGHT"

"What's the worst part about 9/11? getting your reddit jokes downvoted 14 years later because everyone is a crybaby cunt"

"""Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite."" --Guy who doesn't understand how sleep works"

"When they announced Ashley Madison was made up of almost all guys... I realized the internet really is a series of tubes."

"Me: ""Bond."" *lowers sunglasses* ""James Bond."" Cashier: ""You've been doing that for 35 minutes. Are you going to buy the sunglasses or not?"""

"Yup. If pasta & antipasta ever touch, they annihilate. For your safety, that's why restaurants never serve them together."

"How can you tell which end of a worm is which ? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !"

"Why doesn't the weatherman just say cloudy with a 90% chance of bullshit? Because that's pretty much what the forecast has been lately."

"When I was a kid, we jumped fences, biked without helmets & drank out of public water fountains. It was a dangerous time, full of microbes."

"Once again I'm reminded that pressing harder on a remote control when I know the batteries are getting dead is not an effective strategy."