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Joke of the Day
"Heroin really messed up my household... All the spoons are missing."
Next Joke
"What do wearing Crocs and receiving a blowjob have in common? It feels great at first, and then you look down and realize you're gay."
"*Hulk smashes thru courtroom wall* SOMEONE ASK FOR INCREDIBLE WITNESS?! Judge- no, CREDIBLE! Hulk- shit HULK VERRY SORRY BOUT YOUR WALL"
"I think I could get behind Trump... 's wife."
"The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family."
"I'll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy."
"Your mama is so fat... Her alphabet is the KFCs"
"We were without phone, TV and internet access for a few hours today. It was terrifying because I almost got some work done."
"Fine wine I like my women like I like my wine, 9 years old and in my basement"
"I'm on a whiskey diet... I've already lost three days."