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Joke of the Day

"It's so beautiful outside. I should probably do something...Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my computer screen."

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"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator"
"Boss: I've been told one of you is just a robot car in disguise *everyone stares at me, even Optimus who is drinking oil instead of coffee*"
"Give a man a fish Feed him for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish, feed him for the rest of his life."
"What are a NEET's favorite type of shoes? REEEEEEEEEEEEBOKS"
"My girlfriend asked for a dick pic file size too large"
"A blonde and a brunette are discussing the previous night out... The brunette says, ""Last night I slept with a Brazilian."" ""Oh my god!"" the blonde replies. ""How many is THAT?"""
"I always say no to drugs. But, if they ever start deep frying them, I'm in big trouble."
"A man noticed that his thermometer had come down with a nasty cold. Medicine in hand, he asked the thermometer, ""How are you feeling?"" The thermometer responded, ""0K."""
"Round, heavy object they throw at the olympics. Discuss."